I had an epiphany while I was driving home from practice this evening. It was about control. More specifically, it was about the true essence of the phrase “being in control.” I have been a swim coach for two years now and the worst parts of being a coach is when you feel “out of control.” Sometimes, no matter how many times you tell a kid to do something, they just won’t do it. There are times as I’m addressing the group in practice when kids will start talking to their friends, a clear sign of disrespect. There are times kids are constantly doing what they are told NOT to do. In all those cases, I perceive myself as being “out of control.” I remember my first year coaching when I consistently had nightmares where all the kids were doing their own thing and nobody was listening to me.
Anyway, most of what I just stated is complete and utter crap because I was never in control to begin with! When it comes to other human beings, I have absolutely NO CONTROL over them. I never have. I never will. God gave every person free will and we are all free to choose how we act, how we think, and what we do. Control, when it pertains to others, is an illusion.
So I have to redefine what it means to be “in control” and “out of control.” There is only one person in this world that I have complete control over. So, my focus should always be on keeping control of MYSELF. Being “in control” means that, regardless of the changing circumstances or situations, I can choose to not let those things control ME. As soon as I let my own behavior or thought processes become affected by a source not from within, I have lost control.
This is all not to say I haven’t thought or considered all this before. It’s just that sometimes these waves of wisdom descend on me out of nowhere and then familiar concepts all of a sudden become intimate ways to relate to the world. It’s like having a knowledge of how something works and then having an “aha!” moment where you gain a great understanding of it in one instant. God seems to do this a lot with me. It’s hard to explain.
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